Forgive me if I push too hard. If I push too much. If what you’re saying doesn’t settle in my mind as enough or the answer or the truth. Forgive me, because I have a vision in mind. And while I cannot see all that it has to offer, it has more than this. It has more than right here. It has more than either of us can ever imagine. And I want it, I want it so bad that I’d do anything to get to it. To see it. To witness it. To even see it in passing one day….should our roads ever take us
down different paths, distant from one another.
I can’t say what she looks like, or if she even looks any different than she does today. But everything about her is different. Her smile is genuine and there’s never a need to portray a false ideal because she’s genuinely happy. And not the kind of happy that the world can give, but the happy that causes a smirk across the face even when there isn’t anything wonderful going on. The kind of smile that reminds you that the less than amazing moments are just moments and they too shall pass. The kind of smile that comes from peace that cannot be given nor can it be taken. The kind of peace that gently reminds even in the toughest most unbearable moments, that this is not always. This is not forever. This is right now and it may not be tomorrow. The kind of peace that throws up its hands and surrenders to the natural ebb and flow of things because it recognizes though it cannot change the circumstances, what is for her will be, and what is not for her will flee and again, everything is going to be alright. The kind of peace that agrees that it if it’s not alright, then it’s not over.
More so than looking confident, she exudes a controlling staunch pride in the decisions and choices that she makes. Decisions are made and there is no looking to the left or to the right, but forward to what God will do with the fruit of those choices, or the lessons that will come as a result. There is an eager satisfaction in declaring and choosing and being satisfied in doing so. She is not reactionary, but takes precautions as her thoughts are well laid out. She moves on an if..then scale, in that if this doesn’t go as well, as planned, as I like, then…. And on to the next. She has a million reasons for doing what she does, and deciding what not to do. It’s the way she prefers it, It’s what she wants, it’s the way she likes it, just because… and she doesn’t need to justify a single one of them. She can explain them if she chooses, but she never feels pressured or obligated because her decisions, are just that.. and she makes them as she so chooses. Understanding the past and how it works as she does, there’s never a reason to fret replaying and running backwards in her mind. Though she may wish to do things a bit different, she cannot regret the decision because the consequences, the growth and the learning that will come from it –though unpleasant, and maybe even horrifying, she must dive head first to get to the other side, and she’s willing, and eager, yet treads cautiously, prayerfully, with wisdom and discernment in her stride.
She is enough. She’s just enough for her and in her mind, that means she’s more than enough for you. She quickly recalls all that she is and all that she has to offer. Everything she brings to the table, all the great things that are factory settings – designed, ordained, purposefully configured in The Master’s image. Knowing and believing that every single solitary detail, down to the single strand of hair that just won’t act right was strategically placed, formed, fashioned, hand crafted into place by The Creator of The Universe. Every addition to her story, every chapter, every page was written by The One..and even her handwriting in the margins that has changed and tweaked the story over time don’t bother her.. As she believes that no matter what additions she has made along the margins, the end is already written –intuitively crafted by the Author and Finisher of her faith; a story no man can undo, no character can change, and no line can be erased.
She is intelligent, and witty, profound, and wise. She correlates instances, happenings, occurrences, and experiences and allow them to shape her ideals and her heart. Her perspective is unique, different from most, and confounding to some. She is astute, perceptive, intuitive, and clever. The sequential themes, thoughts, metaphors and soliloquies are strategically placed and given for a purpose greater than her own. She walks softly, yet carrying a big stick. Each and every thought, emotion, choice of reason that plays over and over in her mind as she plays with the idea of conveying, sharing, explaining – designed to enlighten, enhance, free the enslaved, drastically change perspectives and open blinded eyes. Utterances of many stolen moments of internal monologue she ever so carefully crafts into sentences, words, prayers, and thought provoking questions. Knowing her weapons are not carnal and the power of a tongue tamed by The One that give it power to call forth life or speak about death –she chooses wisely.
She is changing, morphing, growing, and stretching into the unknown. She has yet to see this side of her life and has no preconceived notions of what awaits her as she steps toward foreign territory. She is not weary in her well-doing as she is sure that whatever should await her on the other side, she is stepping onto a firm foundation laid by The Chief Cornerstone. She is reluctant yet eager, and anxious with excitement for what is next. She concentrates on the opportunity that is to come rather than her shortcomings that have passed. She awaits each new day even when the previous didn’t seem like it was worth it. She’s always stretching for what is ahead as she recognizes she’s already lived the past. She commands the day, and awakens the power manufactured inside of her to lead the day as she faithfully follows. She is not weary as she puts her number one resource to bed when it is necessary. She is prepared. She comes to battle ready to engage, using what He has given her to not win the battle, but to endure, to try, and to triumph as she recalls the victory that has already been given. She takes time to minister to her own soul without explanation or expectation. She is hyper vigilant in her needs as she recognizes the call placed upon her requires she be a step or two ahead. She plays her position, and she plays it well – never underestimating or counting out herself or the team. She does what’s best, and she does what is right. She is brave. Brave enough to not only make, but to stand by the unpopular decision. She has convictions and she stands tall on them. Not looking for, wanting, or even flirting with the idea of acceptance or approval. She is approved of. She is enough. She is powerful. She is worth it. She’s been approved. She’s has always been enough. She has always been powerful and she will always be worth it. Because He said so.
She makes sound decisions and moves down her path with grace and poise. She’s rarely ever found out of character as she’s lived through enough to hold her head proud. This differs from falsely portraying that which she is not. She is she. Fully. All the time. 100%. She owes no apologies for whom she is. How she is. What she does. Or how she does it. She believes, therefore she acts. She’s learned from her past and her mistakes, she has surrendered the pen back to the author of the story. She walks as He writes, she stops when He punctuates and she breathes when He creates pause. She is tough, she is resilient, and she is strong. She is built to outwit, outlast, and outplay. She is strong enough to take her stand and remain standing as others walk away….